I am back again. It’s been a real hectic day. I wonder who’s writing the script of my life. People say that man is the architect of his own fate. But I wonder if I was the one who chose to write my own destiny. It has been a real, real hectic life (pun intended)… Feeling implicated and vindicated at the same time. Or should I say, being at a wrong place on a wrong time?
The last couple of days have been a rollercoaster ride. It’s getting more and more difficult to understand the human psychology. I guess it’s time to have a proffessional approach towards leading a ‘normal’ life. When I speak about ‘normalcy’, I mean about leading a simple life. It’s time to quit from the race where the only challenger in your race of life is ‘you’. It needs great efforts to achieve glory. But it requires greater efforts to accept defeat with dignity. Sadly, it’s always a case of sour grapes theory in everybody’s life.
Coming back to the dilemma… There’s a shockingly surprising news for me and my readers. ‘Accidently’, my parents read some of my blog posts, my poems and a few excerpts of my coming novel ‘The Pink Slip’. They inquired about the theme and the status of my previous novel. As usual, I chose to accept my defeat against the bigwig publishers who chose to leave me on tenterhooks. For some reason, Dad seemed interested to help me realise my dream of being a writer. Or should I say, a ‘published’ writer. But… I rejected his plan. Lol.
Anyways, there has been a strange fight happening within my conscience. I ain’t sure if everybody experiences the same fight within themselves. Ever since I understood the human psychology about religion, I got more and more interested in doing research on the Gods and Godesses of Indian mythology. Being a staunch believer of faith in Goddeses, I worship many of them. For example, Goddess Saraswati for knowledge, Goddesses Lakshmi for wealth and prosperity, Goddess Amba for courage and fearlessness and Goddess Padmavati for peaceful mind and sound and healthy soul. In fact, even the gurus taught me the same thing that when we pray to the Tirthankaras, it’s not the Tirthankaras that help us. It’s Their Goddesses that help us.
Now, I am in a soup. Being a staunch believer of Goddesses, I cannot imagine my life without praying them. Let’s be honest enough, most of us regularly seek blessings of Goddess Lakshmi. (I don’t need to specify a reason for it.) Everyday I have an argument with a group of people regarding the main Goddess. My argument being that if we have knowledge (Saraswati) then money (Lakshmi) automatically flows in. But the counter argument is that only money (Lakshmi) can buy knowledge (Saraswati), which means, if you have money then you can hire men of skills. But if you only have skills then you will always remain a slave of money.
So this is the dilemma, guys… I can never dare to differentiate my loyalties between the Goddesses. While Amba has given me courage then Padmavati has given me a sound soul. But I never had an issue with this fact. What my dilemma is this particular thing… If Lakshmi has given me an identity of being a well-to-do guy then Saraswati has given me the knowledge, talent and the power of expression. I can never forget the appreciation that I recieved for my writing talent. But it’s a fact… a fact that is like a bitter pill to swallow, when those group of people taunt that I still haven’t got publishers standing in a queue to publish my writings because most of them have a hunger for money. Hahaha. And I don’t wish to showcase my talent on the basis of money. In fact I wish to raise money on the basis of my talent. I wish to create my identity on the basis of my power of expression.
But this particular debate always haunts my mind… Who is more important, Lakshmi or Saraswati? I have a diplomatic but an honest answer that my life is incomplete without the presence of ‘Both’ in my life. But history has also witnessed the fact that the counter argument does have a point!
It’s time to sign off and get set for a good night sleep!